About

I don’t like this part. It feels contrived. Am I supposed to tell you the things I’m proud of? If so, here’s the shortlist:

• In 2014, my cool husband and I brought forth an amazing child who is funny and also handsome.
• I have a BA and an MA, but they’re probably useless.
• I have a greeting card business.
• I am three years deep into the writing of my memoir.
• I am comfortable in my skin and I love myself.

Anecdotes:

• Dill Pickle chips are the most delicious food invention.
• My arms are long.
• I have three tomcats and their names are Calculator, Boots, and Mochi.

Grit:

• I am horrible at washing dishes and laundry, and if you saw my house on any given day, you’d judge me.
• I like to cry but my 70 percent of my meibomian glands are atrophied.
• I have an ugly tooth.